If you have a argument with someone outside of your family it often results in detaching from that person and this might be a reasonable solution given that you are not bound together.

However, when you have an issue with a family member this option is often not available because as the saying goes, you can pick your friends but not your family.

What can I do?

If you can't avoid the problem the next best thing is to try and control it by getting the other person to change and indeed this might work, but often it lead to greater problems.

If you can't change the other person maybe the best thing to do is to accept the situation and again this might work but it often results in unresolved conflicts that fester overtime.

Change yourself!

Thankfully there is a third alternative, change yourself in a way that solves the problem. This is where CBT can help in that the problem becomes internal as opposed to external which can then lead to a change in beliefs and a new perception. Once the problem is internalised solutions become easier because you will gradually come to recognise that the real problem is the beliefs we hold that maintain and perpetuate the relationship issue.

The beliefs that you live your life by are your choice and as such you can change them. You may well go through life without ever coming across a situation that requires belief change. On the the other hand you may come across some family relationship problem and if you can't make the required change you will be powerless, growing as a person will become harder and happiness and fulfilment will be less attainable.

If you cannot effect the necessary change to solve a problem, the problem will always exist both externally and crucially, internally. It will define yours thoughts, emotions and your behaviour. This is no way to live your life.

Remember your have the power to set yourself free!